We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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