I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
