I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
