it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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