You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Vodka?
Forever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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