I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
