My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
