She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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