After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize