70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this will be a night to untag.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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