Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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