did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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