Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
