I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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