I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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