if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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