remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
