beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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