So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
