But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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