He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize