I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
