The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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