if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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