I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
