I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
