I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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