I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
