I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
