Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
