Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
