How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
