i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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