Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
