Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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