Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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