the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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