Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
