I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
