He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
