did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize