Only a mothe r could love this liver
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
