Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this boner is exhausting
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
