Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
