We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
