Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
