Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize