so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
