and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
