Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
