If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
