I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
