Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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