she woke up with a sticky ear
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
