Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
