do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
