I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
