Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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