Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
