I have demons in me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
