meet me or not, i'm out of control
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
