My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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