You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
