at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
